As we approach the end of another year, our to-do lists seem to grow longer by the minute. From holiday shopping to decorating, baking cookies to wrapping gifts, we’re all caught up in the whirlwind of festive preparations. But amidst the hustle and bustle, there’s one list we often overlook – our grudge list.
We all have one, whether we admit it or not. It’s that mental tally of people who’ve wronged us, hurt us, or disappointed us throughout the year. Maybe it’s a coworker who undercut you at work, a friend who betrayed your trust, or a family member who let you down. Our grudge lists can be long and deeply ingrained, sometimes stretching back years or even decades.
But what if we were to throw away this list? What if, before the new year dawns, we could walk into it unburdened by the weight of past hurts and resentments?
The apostle Paul, in his letter to the Corinthians, speaks about love in a way that challenges our tendency to hold grudges. He writes, “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5). This last part is crucial – love keeps no record of wrongs. In other words, love throws away the list.
But how do we do this when the hurt is real and the pain is deep? Here are three practical steps to help us move towards forgiveness and freedom:
1. Acknowledge Your List
The first step is to bring our grudges into the light. Instead of trying to stuff down our hurt or pretend it doesn’t exist, we need to acknowledge it. Take some time to write down who has hurt you this year and why. This isn’t about dwelling on the pain, but about bringing it out of the shadows of your mind and onto paper where you can deal with it objectively.
As you do this, also consider whose list you might be on. How might you have hurt or disappointed others? This exercise in emotional intelligence can be eye-opening and humbling.
2. Make Peace with Your List
Once you’ve acknowledged your list, it’s time to make peace with it. The apostle Paul gives us guidance here too: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18).
This verse contains two important clauses. First, “if it is possible” – recognizing that sometimes, peace isn’t immediately achievable. Some people may not be ready or willing to reconcile. Second, “as far as it depends on you” – emphasizing our responsibility to do our part in making peace.
Jesus provides practical steps for reconciliation in Matthew 18:15-17. He advises us to go directly to the person who has hurt us, to speak with them one-on-one. If that doesn’t work, we’re to involve others who can help mediate. The goal is always reconciliation, not punishment or revenge.
It’s important to note that making peace doesn’t always mean restoring a relationship to its former state, especially in cases of abuse or ongoing harm. Sometimes, making peace means setting healthy boundaries and offering forgiveness from a distance.
3. Throw It Away
The final step is to actually throw away your list. This is more than just a mental exercise – it’s a decision to let go of the hurt and choose forgiveness. It’s about blessing those who have hurt you, even when it’s difficult.
Imagine what your life could look like if you truly let go of past hurts. Picture the freedom you’d feel, the peace that would fill your heart. Consider how different your relationships might be if you approached them without the baggage of old grudges.
Now, imagine if God had never thrown away His list. We’ve all fallen short, we’ve all been on the “naughty list” at some point. But through Jesus, God offers us complete forgiveness and reconciliation. He throws away the list of our wrongs and invites us into relationship with Him. Shouldn’t we extend that same grace to others?
As we prepare to enter a new year, let’s challenge ourselves to do the hard work of forgiveness. Let’s acknowledge our hurts, make peace where we can, and then throw away our grudge lists. It won’t be easy, but the freedom and peace that come from letting go are worth the effort.
Remember, forgiveness isn’t about forgetting what happened or pretending it didn’t hurt. It’s about choosing to release the hold that person or situation has on you. It’s about freeing yourself from the burden of bitterness and resentment.
As you go through this process, be patient with yourself. Forgiveness is often a journey rather than a one-time event. You may need to choose forgiveness multiple times before it fully takes root in your heart. That’s okay. Keep choosing forgiveness, keep throwing away that list, and watch as peace and freedom grow in your life.
This holiday season, as you check off items on your to-do list, don’t forget about this most important task. Take some time to reflect, to forgive, to let go. Make room in your heart for the peace and joy that this season is meant to bring.
As you step into the new year, may you do so with a lighter heart, free from the weight of old grudges. May you experience the freedom that comes from forgiveness, and may you extend that same grace to others. Here’s to a new year filled with love, peace, and the joy of new beginnings.